


Helpless To Resist

by LoudenSwainfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2019 Jason Manns Fanfic Fanart, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Rare Pairings, Song Lyrics, Squint and you'll see Sabriel, Teasing BFF Gabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-09 08:23:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17998343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoudenSwainfangirl/pseuds/LoudenSwainfangirl
Summary: Inspired by the song I Remember by Jason Manns.Donna and Benny Lafitte have seen their youngest off to college. This is a snapshot of their life in this moment.Muddling through the thing we call life is made less difficult when done with someone you love, admire, and trust and dare I say like ;-).  It's easier to "forget about the how".





	Helpless To Resist

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you MrsWhozeewhatsis for allowing me to take part in another fan project. I love the fact you are throwing Jason some love!!! <3 The picture is awesome!!!
> 
> The dark italics are song lyrics.

**_Hey You_ **

 

Donna Lafitte squints as her eyes adjust to the dimmed lights of the bar and grill. The door closes behind her, muting the rush hour traffic and blocking the unusually bright September sun. She slides her sunglasses to the top of her head and surveys the room.

“Ah.” Her breathy word is spoken to herself as her eyes fall directly onto her best friend sitting perched at the bar. A smile she hasn’t felt often today splits her face.

He seems to sense her presence and stands to greet her because despite his bravado, Gabriel really is a gentleman. His dark rimmed glasses shift on his face as he returns her grin. His hug is warm and clinging as if they haven’t seen each other in ages when in reality it’s only been 48 hours. Donna finds herself holding him just as tightly.

“Hiya, Gabe.” 

His hand remains on her shoulder as she slides onto the stool beside him and the weight is comforting. “Hey you. I ordered you a coke but it can be doctored if you're in need of something stronger.”

“Nah, this here’s great, thanks.”

Gabriel leans backward on his stool and looks briefly towards the door before returning his gaze to Donna. “Where’s the big lug? Did he get lost parking the truck?”

“Hmm mm,” Donna responds in the negative as she swallows. Today of all days she wishes her answer was different.

Donna watches a young couple in a corner booth. One would think they were friends out for an early dinner but Donna knows differently. It’s been twenty two years since she’s worn a badge but her observation skills are as sharp as ever. The signs of a first date are as unmistakable as a red flag. The ever slight tremble of the menu as the red head looks over her options. Or the way the brunette wipes her palms over her thighs the moment her companion isn’t looking her way. They look up at the same instant and smile, even let out a small giggle, in recognition of the moment. Despite the distance between the booth and the bar, Donna’s able to feel the tension melt away and is reminded of a similar scene playing out in that very same booth decades ago.

Donna blinks away the past and refocuses on Gabriel. “Benny’s at the firehouse. Had a mountain of paperwork to get through after their training weekend with the new recruits.”

“The downfalls of being the boss,” Gabriel commiserates. “Is that why you went up alone? And how is the little firecracker adjusting to life as an adult?”

“It killed Benny not to be able to go but it was unavoidable. He’ll go up sometime next week. And ya know Kaia, she’s a pro at going with the flow. I think it helps knowing her older sisters are only a few miles from campus.” This fact also eases Donna’s pain even though in reality it’s a double edged sword knowing all of her birds have now left the nest. “It's like that kid skipped adolescence and went straight to being an adult. She’s handling college life (translation, life away from mom and dad) much better than I am.” Donna’s last comment is almost incoherent and barely audible around the lip of her glass but Gabriel catches it all the same.

“This is your third run. I thought you’d be an old hat at it by now.” 

“You’d think so.” Donna sighs heavily.

Gabriel pushes his shoulder into hers and sways with her. “But she’s your baby.”

“Yeah.” Donna’s cradles her forehead in her hand and closes her eyes.

“And you already feel like you missed out on a chunk of her life because she wasn’t a baby when she found you.”

Donna chances pushing the building tears over the threshold of her lids in order to look up at her closest and most cherished friend. Thankfully, they never fall and she’s able to reign her emotions in with a deep breath. It makes a difference knowing Gabriel is able to understand her so completely without explanation. “Yeah. That.”

Gabriel studies Donna’s face for a moment before placing a hand to the nape of her neck. He nods his head once, removes his hand and picks up his beer. “Kaia will be fine. No matter what major she declares or path she chooses, it’s a guarantee she’s gonna kick a whole lotta asses. Just like her mom.”

Donna lets out a snort as she thinks on the fact it’s been many years since she’s kicked _any_ asses. Unless of course you count dealing with PTA parents or exceeding a yearly goal of 3000 boxes of cookies for nearly a decade as troop leader. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Gabriel lets out a grunt, making it clear he understands Donna’s implication and his glare over the rim of his glasses conveys his message they’ll be addressing _that_ at a later date. It’s both a blessing and a curse to have someone understand both the spoken and unspoken words.

“But you _are_ right about one thing,” Donna continues without acknowledging his silent threat, “Kaia will be fine. In fact she _is_ fine. Her roommate went home for the weekend so Alex and Elisabeth joined us and we had a girls weekend.” The corner of her mouth tips down as she notices a chip in her pale pink polish.  The frown turns into a knowing smile when she thinks how the tiny imperfection would send her middle daughter into a frenzy. Insisting on starting the manicure anew.

“Hmm. Sounds like trouble,” Gabriel comments as he glances at his phone screen. “It’s nice that all three sisters are living so close to each other now.”

Donna nods as she sets down her empty glass. She wasn’t even thirsty but it gave her something to do with her hands. “Alex loves her new job in the ER. She's even organizing a blood drive on campus!”

“I’m not surprised. Cool as a cucumber, quick to think on her feet. The hospital is lucky to have such a competent nurse. And what about Elisabeth? Last year of culinary school. Or has she decided to complete the third year of Pastry and Baking?”

“She has until the end of this semester to decide. If you ask me, I think she may be itching to work full time at _The Gumbo Shack_.”

“That must please Benny to no end seeing her appreciate the comforts of their cajun blood.”

“Darn tootin it does. One of these days I think he may literally pop a button on his puffed up chest. Every time she perfects a meal his grandma once made he glows with pride.”

“Or maybe it’s the sweat leaking from his pores.” Gabriel lets loose a loud whistle that makes Donna chuckle. “That girl knows how to throw down spices.”

“He wouldn’t have it any other way. Anywho,” she slaps her hand down onto the bar desperate to change the subject because she’s missing her husband something fierce. “I don’t know about you but all this talk of food has me starved. Wanna get a table?”

“I would but I think…a ha, right on cue...”

Donna pays no mind to Gabriel’s fading words. Her attention has been drawn to the front door. The newcomer’s features are obscured by the backdrop of the bright sunlight behind him but Donna would know that silhouette anywhere. His rounded shoulders pass through the door and she’s allowed a quick peek at the ears that stick out, accentuated bright red from the light shining through.

 

_**When I saw you walking there and I couldn’t help but stare at the way you move your hair cause it’s the little things you do that drive me crazy.** _

 

Donna slides from her stool and meets her husband’s lumbering form halfway. “What are ya doing here, Bennybear? I thought you had-“ Her words are cut off by the press of lips. She feels the air deflate from her lungs and her stomach breaks into a symphony of excited butterflies.

Thirty years and the sight of Benny still makes her feel like an eighteen year old kid. The familiar scents of the firehouse, diesel and burnt wood, clinging to his skin calms Donna like no other. The melancholy she had been feeling moments ago dissipates with the press of his arms around her body.

Benny’s eyes are shining brightly as he pulls back. “Naw, you didn’t think I’d let my queen spend today alone, did ya? There’ll be plenty of time to catch up on work later." He looks into her eyes. “This is where I want to be.”

“Alone? It’s like I’m not even here! I’m hurt, man. You cut me deeply.”

Benny chuckles as he turns from Donna and shakes Gabriel’s hand. He holds his grasp then pulls him into a one armed hug. “Thanks, brother, for keeping my Lady Love company.”

“Any time, Benny, any time.”

“Wait, you knew he was coming, Gabe?” Donna’s feet remain rooted in place as Benny and Gabriel return to the bar.

“Didn’t you find it odd I asked you to meet me in the same restaurant you had your first date? On that anniversary?” Gabriel volleys back.

“No,” her feet finally carry her forward as Gabriel signals the bartender. “I mean I did entertain the idea of asking you to pick somewhere else. We eat here often enough but,” she adds hesitantly with a glance up at Benny, “I wasn’t crazy about being here today without Benny.”

Gabriel lets out a gasp and places his hand over his heart. “Not you too! This one,” he waves the same hand at Benny, “I get. But you? We’ve known each other since we were knee high to a dung beetle and yet you choose _him_.”

“I think it’s grasshopper and of course I’m gonna pick him, no one can –“

“Nuh uh uh, don’t finish that sentence! I’ve had my fill of your boudoir talk over the years, thank you very much.”

Donna leans into Benny when he drapes his arm across her shoulders. “I was gonna say no one can whip up a mean milkshake like Benny can but sure, go ahead and nose dive into that gutter.”

“Like you don’t have a standing reservation right next to me.” His shoulders shake with his chuckle as he fishes out his wallet and throws down a few bills.

“Impeccable timing,” Gabriel informs the approaching bartender. “Could I please get a Guinness for my fire eating friend, a refill of coke and a table for two?”

He tells her thanks after her reply of “Sure thing.”

“You aren’t going to stay?” Donna asks with sincere disappointment.

“Noo-oh way, you two haven’t seen each other for days. I know how gross you get, making googly eyes at each other and holding hands. Spare me the unpleasantness.”

He pulls Donna into a hug. “Besides, I have my own moose at home I’d like to be gross with.” His brow bounces before giving her cheek a quick peck. “You two crazy kids have fun.” He shakes hands with Benny before turning back to Donna. “Call me tomorrow and we’ll go see that movie you’ve been talking about at least once a day since it came out. What is it? _Driving_?”

Donna rolls her eyes and lightly punches Gabriel’s arm. “ _Driven_.”

“Ow! You’d think I’d remember that. Anyway, maybe we’ll let the other two tag along.” He glances up at Benny and gives him finger guns. “Maybe.”

“Or maybe,” Benny adds with a smirk, “Sam and I’ll go to the gym and leave the two of you to fangirl over the lead actor.”

“Guarantee we’ll do that with or without you but at least then I won’t have to share my popcorn with you.” He winks at Benny and pats his arm. “Happy Anniversary.”

Donna will never grow tired of the friendship between the two most important men in her life. Each filling a crucial space in her heart.

“Thanks again for your help, Gabe. Tell Sam we say hi.”

They watch Gabriel pass the hostess as she approaches with menus in hand. “If you’re ready I’ll lead you to your table.”

Benny steps aside to allow her to pass. He takes Donna’s hand and they both follow the hostess. Once at their table, Benny pulls out her chair, pushes it in as she sits then kisses the top of her head before taking the seat across from her.

 

@@@@@

 

_**Hey Now. Let’s forget about the how and just concentrate on us so that you can know what I want you to know. I remember how it started. You had everything I wanted. I was helpless to resist…but I didn’t want to.** _

 

“Tell me about your weekend,” he asks her as he laces their fingers together once again. Donna’s hands aren’t exactly dainty but they somehow appear to be child size when held by her husband.

“It was really great but I told you all about it on the phone this morning. Did the smoke this weekend clog your memory?” she teases.

“Naw, I wanted to be able to see your face as you spoke is all. Nothing seems to make you light up more than when you think of our girls.” The pad of his thumb skims over her painted nails. “I detect the handiwork of Ms. Elisabeth.”

“You do indeed.”

She watches as his head tilts to the side and the muscles of his face relax into a soft smile. She’s reminded of the day she arrived home from the grocery store to discover seven year old Beth giving her dad a manicure. Complete with file, lotion and a different color for every nail. Despite the insistence of their – at the time – youngest, she’d be okay with him removing it the next morning, Benny had made it clear the polish was to remain in place. To this day Donna still wonders how the guys reacted during the fire meeting.

After a moment he angles his chin enough to look at her head and she accurately predicts the comment to follow.

“I see Alex wasn’t able to talk you into the purple highlights.”

The fingers of her free hand comb through her blonde (she will deny the existence of the grey, thank you very much) strands. “She almost had me convinced this time but I know how it’d look. Like a woman well past her prime trying desperately to cling to her youth.”

Benny is shaking his head before he speaks and she sees the glaze fall over his ice blue eyes. “I’m awfully sorry to be the one to tell ya, but you’re wrong mon amour.  Past your prime? No. You haven’t even begun yet.” He sits back into his chair with a contented sigh. “Seems like just yesterday I was grumbling under my breath as I walked into that room. Who willingly takes _Technical Reporting_? I mean, who even knew that was a thing? How many manuals have you written since graduating?”

“Benny no one takes it willingly that’s why it’s a requirement for almost every program,” Donna laughs softly following the script of their conversation. “How many reports and Standard Operating Procedures have you filled out over the years? How many have I?”

“Point taken. As always, you are the wiser one in this - as the kids call it these days - ship.” He further admits his defeat with a nod of his head before falling into his memory once again. “In I walk –“

“Shuffle,” Donna corrects him, seeing the scene of that day from a different angle.

“In I shuffle to the furthest seat in the back and what catches my eye? Pink. A head of bright pink hair three seats ahead of me. As if that wasn’t enough for me to regret not sitting closer to the front, that head of pink hair tips backward and the best sound I had ever heard before -or since- was let loose. A deep, throaty, I’m gonna set the world on fire, laugh.” His grip on her hand tightens as his gaze lifts to the ceiling. The pause always arrives at the same point in his story and it always makes Donna’s pulse quicken over the thought of having that effect on him. “I couldn’t help but stare. I was helpless to resist your pull.”

“But you didn’t want to.”

“No, I certainly didn’t.” Benny scoots his chair closer to the table and takes Donna’s other hand. He inclines his body forward as Donna mirrors his actions, bringing the tips of their noses a hair’s width apart. She doesn’t need to see the smile spread through his beard to know he’s exactly where he needs to be. “Your choice in hair color and the depth of your laugh was all I knew of you, and yet, that's all this bumbling boy needed to know. You were it for me. I was as sure of that as I am the fact creole and cajun are not the same. I thank the stars you said yes to my embarrassing attempt to ask you here for dinner. Even after I found out you were training to become a blue canary,” he adds with a wink.

Donna snorts on cue. “These days I’m more likely to be the one handing out the bottles of water to the first responders after the action has cleared.” She slides her hands free of Benny’s grip, pretends she doesn’t see the look of concern ripple across his face and picks up her forgotten menu. “Let’s eat, Bennybear, I’m starved. What’s it gonna be today? Burger? Maybe this time you’ll finish it,” she teases.

“Oh chère, I was so nervous that day, I’m amazed I was able to get through as much as I did.”

“First and last time I’ve ever seen you leave food on your plate.”

 

@@@@@

 

_**Only if you would hold me tight as we talked all through the night about those things you won’t tell no one else. I know that we’ve got a ways to go but I want you to know that I’ll be there till the end so don’t you worry.** _

 

With their orders placed and full beverages- ice water for both, sans lemon for Benny- Donna passes her phone to her husband. As he looks through the pictures from her weekend, she responds to his comments and answers his questions but mostly on autopilot. She’s distracted by memories of their road so far.

Thirty years and change. A brief courtship, a perfect wedding, chosen careers that hold a long standing, good natured rivalry and unforgettable travel together. Two pregnancies and an adoption led them down the, occasional rocky, road of parenthood.

True, they’ve changed physically. Donna isn’t as quick on her feet as she used to be, Benny’s widow’s peak is much more defined as it was that first day meeting in their college classroom and his beard-much to Donna’s delight- is tipping closer to more salt than pepper but despite all that she wouldn’t change a thing. He still takes her breath away. He still places her wants and needs before all others. When the lights go out at night, they still turn to each other.

“I’m sorry I missed all the fun, chère.”

Donna slips her phone into her back pocket. The only connection she needs to make is sitting in front of her. “It’s okay. You’ll be there soon enough. She’s done a nice job of making that tiny apartment feel like home away from home. To be honest, I think they’re all looking forward to time alone with you.”

“How did we get so lucky?”

Donna shrugs her shoulders. She asks herself that daily and has yet to come up with an answer. “I dunno but I know lucky is an understatement to how I feel. Being able to be there front and center as we raised our girls was a privilege.”

The waitress arrives at that moment to deliver their meals. As the full plates are set into place, Donna ponders how in the blink of an eye hours spent on foot while on patrol had turned into pacing the floors of their ranch style home for what felt like eight weeks straight when Elisabeth had colic.

Her first aid skills once put to use after minor car accidents while waiting for paramedics to arrive graduated to placement of Princess band aids that magically healed the sting of a scraped elbow following a tumble from the slide.

The second nature of tuning out the police scanner, perking up when the important details come across the radio just as she had learned to tune out the background noise of cartoons like _Dragon Tales_ and the dreaded _Caillou_.

Take out and gas station cuisine was forgotten and the ability to stretch one income, not to mention learning how to make noodles 50 different ways when three members of the family refused to eat anything else, was acquired.

Dodging punches thrown during a bar fight had been, well, traded for dodging flailing little fists from a toddler refusing to put her shoes on because she was mad her socks were green with yellow stars instead of the red socks with the blue polka dots.

Filling out endless piles of incident reports became tracing dotted letters made for teaching the alphabet.

Her high speed training behind the wheel of a patrol car became especially helpful when it came time to teach the teenagers how to drive.

“The privilege was all mine, Love” Benny comments, breaking her train of thought.

“I need to figure out what to do with myself now that my job is done.” Donna winces at Benny’s pained expression and the slump of his shoulders. She hadn’t meant to say the words, they were out before she could reel them in.

"Oh, chère," he breathes out rather than speaks, “don’t-“

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so gloomy but there’s a thread of truth there. Now that they’re all grown I’ve kind worked myself out of a purpose.”

“You know darn well Jody would take you back on the force in a heartbeat. She was hounding me just last week over that very prospect.”

“Oh no, I’m afraid that chapter of my life has closed.” Donna picks up her knife and cuts her cheeseburger in half. “I’m too damn old to be wrestling a meth head to the ground and I’m too impatient to argue over a complete versus a rolling stop.” And now it’s her shoulders that droop as she looks up at Benny. There’s nothing she hates more than seeing him upset.

His eyes are practically hidden by the hood of his brow. “Do you regret leaving the force? Because you know I would’ve been happy to hang up my breathing mask if it meant you being happy.”

She reaches across the table and lets her fingers slide down the curve of his jaw. “I was happy. I _am_ happy. I wouldn’t change a thing. Besides, I can’t even think about the fact if you had stayed home then you never would've been at the fire in the old warehouse. You never would've found Kaia.”

“Gotta stop you there because I _have_ thought about that and I think, no I know, if you had stayed on you would’ve found her because she is our girl and she was meant to complete our family. Who knows, maybe you would’ve found her that first day she ran away from her foster home and she never would’ve been in that old warehouse, starting a fire for warmth using rags soaked in oil.” His eyelids snap closed, no doubt thinking about what could’ve happened to the ten year old girl, forgotten by the system, if Benny hadn’t followed his gut in the midst of the fire that night and hadn’t done a second sweep of the building.

“I can’t argue with that logic, Bear.” She takes a bite of her burger, chews for a minute then swallows. She speaks around the second bite, hoping to encourage Benny to eat. “I guess I’m just feeling a little off kilter because I don’t know what’s next.”

Benny’s burger hangs midair as he studies Donna, the corner of his mouth twitching. “I know that look, cher. You have something in mind.”

Busted, she thinks. “I’d like to continue volunteering at the schools in town.”

“And,” Benny prompts when Donna doesn’t continue. He takes a big bite and groans softly.

Donna smirks, yes she likes that sound. “I was thinking I’d like to develop a Safety Program. There’s a need for so much more beyond bike safety and stranger danger like when we were kids." She ticks the topics off her fingertips. "Drugs, bullying, suicide, gangs and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

He remains silent as Donna rambles on with her hopes for such a program until she feels a shift in the room. She looks up from her fries to find Benny looking at her with something akin to wonderment.

“What? Do I have mustard on my face?” Donna swipes her napkin over her chin and face, only dropping the napkin when Benny begins to slowly shake his head.

“No. Your face is as perfect as it’s always been.”

“Then what? Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

In place of an answer, Benny pushes his chair away from the table and stands. Donna tracks his movement as he rounds the table and bends to kiss her. “I love you more than I did five minutes ago and I know that feeling will happen again in another five. Thank you for giving me a chance.”

She’s only able to nod her head, afraid to say what she’s really thinking. Afraid the tears from earlier may actually win this time. She wants to tell him she feels the same way and can’t imagine her life any different. Later, she thinks, when they’re alone. “I got an idea. How about,” she swallows over the lump in her throat, “we finish up here then go neck in the car like we were kids again?” His eyelids widen but Donna feels the need to ask anyway. “Do you like it?”

" _Like_?!? The mere thought has me quivering from my head right down to my liver.”

That pleases Donna. 

“Hey Benny?” she waits until she has his full attention once he’s seated again. “Whatever it is that’s next, I’m not worried about the ‘what’ or the ‘how’ because I know we’re in this together til the end. It’s how we’ve always taken life. Together. That’s, as the kids say these days, how we roll.”

Benny’s shoulders shake with his deep belly laugh and Donna knows he’s all she’s ever wanted.

 

 **_I remember how it started. You had everything I wanted. I was helpless to resist…but I didn’t want to._ ** ****

**_Cause I fell in love with you._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Stop by Twitter and say Hi!! @LSFanGrl_fanfic
> 
> What do you think about Benny and Donna together?


End file.
